Lamb @ The Rose And Olive Branch, Virginia Water 22/11/2015

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Yesterday, I had good intentions of getting up at 8am, doing a few hours studying, going for a bike ride and then going on a mission to the pub south of Reading picked by the random number generator – maybe even fitting a shortish country walk in too.

Instead I woke up at 10am, accepted my food delivery, made breakfast and went back to bed until 1:30pm. I didn’t even drink that much on Friday night and yet I was still suffering yesterday. In fact I am still suffering today as I write this. I guess it might have something to do with not going to bed (properly) until Saturday night.

So none of the components of my original plan happened. But I wanted to get out of Bracknell…nothing new there. And I recalled reading that Virginia Water had become the first place outside of London where the average house price topped £1m. What a great contrast, from Great Hollands to the greatly expensive Virginia Water. Great. Let’s get on a First Great Western train….oh no it’s a South West Train. Not so great.

It was just turning dark when I left my house and not for the first time, I was questioning my sanity. Cold, creaky, tired, not really that hungry. Why the hell was I doing this? I got the train to Virginia Water, and then switched Google Maps on. I was under the impression that the pub of choice was just 10 minutes’ walk away. No, it was 28 minutes’ walk away. I was in no mood to keep walking.

But my only other choice was to go back to Bracknell. I kept walking.

I was under the impression that there were lots of lakes in Virginia Water, but apparently not. Not that I could see much in the dark except lots of ridiculously large houses. Some of them had staircases larger than my whole house. Some of them had chandeliers larger than my bedroom.

I’m not jealous. Fair play to anyone who does that well for themselves. I measure my life satisfaction on happiness, enjoyment and the thickness of gravy.

8 paragraphs in and I am pretty close to talking about food. For do rich people have access to roast dinners as good us commoners? That is the question I am here to ask.

Contradictory, the roast dinners were cheaper than any I’ve had for a while at £9.95. I had rung up in advance to check (always wise especially on a mission with no back-up close by) and though they normally do chicken, beef and lamb – they only had lamb left.

During my 28 minute walk, I had started to worry in case they ran out, as I turned the corner half-way, I then sighed as I saw the name of the road was something Hill. Oh joy. Thankfully not too steep a hill, but the lamp-posts did stop and I feared the pavement doing the same as cars flew by, but it didn’t. Albeit it wasn’t easy at times to see the difference between verge, pavement and road.

Oh why was I putting myself through this?

And then I arrived. I was instantly charmed. A fairly small horseshoe-shaped bar, around 10 tables of varying sizes. The menu’s read delightfully, including a list of around 8 really interesting homemade pies, a menu full of wellingtons, not to mention a delicious-sounding specials board – sadly I realised too late that they had a lamb shank roast on specials. Doh. Sometimes it is good to take your time.

They didn’t take their time as I only had enough time to pop to the loo, check the train times and my dinner had arrived, accompanied by a rather poor-tasting pint of Kronenbourg – the only let down of the pub itself was the common choice of draught – Strongbow, Fosters…you know the score. Maybe I’ll get into ale one day like a proper northerner.

In fact, the last time it had been microwaved that quickly was the Wetherspoons. Ahhh the memories.

A mixed vegetable medley was offered, a medley of presumably steamed vegetables as they had kept their taste despite their slightly disfigured colouration. Gosh, colouration actually is a word.

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There were sizable amounts of both broccoli and cauliflower, including their stalks, including their vitamins and taste although they were exceptionally soft and almost dissolved upon being forked. The handful of leeks were a nice touch too.

Not so generously portioned was the one long strip of carrot, one baby sweetcorn, one slice of courgette and one green bean. Yes, one green bean. I have very little to say about any of them, I am not entirely sure how I can judge one solitary green bean. All on the slightly soft side, all seemingly steamed.

No shortage of roast potatoes with eight, yes 8, roast potatoes, albeit all small roast potatoes, and of course not crispy. There were signs of earlier roasting, though once warmed up in the microwave, the outside were more soft than crunchy. Inside were towards fluffy. Considering that they had been heated, they were a good effort.

I’m really not sure what had happened to the Yorkshire puddings. Two wonky affairs, perhaps they had risen at some point but they had clearly gone all floppy. Spot the accidental innuendo. That said, they worked as an accompaniment to the lamb, the structural deficit not impairing edibility.

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The lamb really was plentiful. It had a robust, earthy taste to it – quite a strong flavour. I would have preferred it to have been at least a touch pink – alas it was cooked medium, perhaps even a touch on the well done side. But it’s a minor point in a generous supply of very enjoyable meat, especially when taking in the low price of £9.95.

Then there was a lump of home-made stuffing. Personally I wouldn’t put stuffing with lamb (maybe I’ve lived down here too long) but this was really good herb-filled stuffing, possibly some of the best pub-made stuffing that I’ve ever had.

And then the gravy. Oh the gravy. Thick, copious – exactly how it should be. A simple meat stock affair, with a very slight hint of mint, though that could have been my imagination. I was so happy. Actual, proper gravy. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeha!

Yes, it was worth the effort to get here. What a little treat this place is. So, rich people not only get a cheap roast dinner but a really good roast dinner too. And thick gravy. Oh the irony.

I’m going to give it a 7.9 out of 10. Highlight was the gravy. Lowlight – well I don’t like baby sweetcorn, and more than one green bean would have been nice. I’d like to give it a Harrogate on the Yorkshire-Surrey scale (Harrogate being the poshest place in Yorkshire) but I think it is more of a Pontefract.

This place is definitely worth a visit – and I’d love to go back for either one of their wellingtons or pies. In fact, I could happily go back so often that I might move to Virginia Water. I’ve even found somewhere I can rent for £23 a week. Granted, it is a garage.

Until then, back to my own 6 bedroom mini-mansion in Bracknell.

Pork Belly @ Browns, Reading 15/11/2015

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Everyone is different. Wouldn’t it be a dull world if we all thought the same. Some people think I am a marvellous writer. Others cannot believe that Get Reading publish this rubbish. Personally, I cannot believe that I do not yet have TV companies banging on my door offering me 6-figure sums to do Roast Dinners Around The UK.

Think of me as the northern Michael Portillo, where I travel around the country, sampling the delights of roast dinners at the end of obscure branch lines that you thought Dr Beeching had closed down in the 60’s. And then, of course, there would be a follow-up show – Continental Roast Dinners, where I sample the finest exotic roast dinners in cosmopolitan centres of cuisine, like Istanbul, Paris, and Benidorm.

Until such a day, I will be yours truly, and I hope I do annoy some of you on occasion. In my view, I can only be a good writer if some of you think what I write is a load of shit. The only opinions I fear are no opinions.

As the Christmas lights had been switched on in Reading town, I thought I should venture into the beautiful, cultured heights and lights of cheeselog-central (you do know what a cheeselog is, don’t you?) and ended up at Browns on the Oracle riverside. Actually, my best friend chose Browns because she fancied the nut roast. Not so interesting. Although I do want to give it an apostrophe.

The menu was temptingly written, with beef, chicken, pork belly, lamb and nut roast all available. I did have a suspicion that it would be more style than substance. After all, Brown’s isn’t really my kind of place.

I love a country pub, like The Bull in Sonning which was delightful. I like a more standard boozer with home-cooked food like the Fox & Hounds. I don’t like chains – I believe there are around 25 Brown’s in the country and I certainly am not keen on places that I view as poncey, admittedly coming from Hull, I used to view the Back Of Beyond as poncey.

Arriving to find someone playing the piano (from a sheet of music on his ipod) was a little eye-rolling for the boy from Hull.

I just want beer, meat and gravy.

We were seated downstairs, ordered our food from the convivial waiter, who had semi-recommended the chicken and I did fancy the chicken. So I chose the pork belly – pretty much on the basis that I love pork belly. Forgetting that it is very easy to get it wrong.

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Well, I think you’ll agree there is style. But what about the substance?

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Firstly the red cabbage which came in one of the sharing pots. I’ve never been a fan – even when it is done brilliantly I find it a bit gruesome. And this didn’t help the red cabbage reputation, having lost much of its colour and a fair portion of its taste through cooking.

At least this week I didn’t need the writing skills of E.L. James to describe the carrots. They were honey-roasted and guess what? I’m not keen on honey. I probably could get over that but they had a consistency which suggested they had been bathed in honey rather than roasted, for they were so soft and flimsy. My friends loved them. I didn’t.

I assume the parsnips had been roasted together with the carrots. Coming in the same pot kind of gave it away, and although not anywhere near as soft the carrots, they were certainly edible for those without teeth. I still have most of mine despite being brought up on a diet of sweets, gravy and crystal meth. Parsnips are great, and tend to be a rare treat on a roast dinner and these were certainly tasty and enjoyable, if not a tad on the soft side.

The green beans were as close to perfection that you can do ordinary simple green beans I did once cook them with parmesan and what was wow – but for ordinary green beans with nothing at all special about them, these were very good – the only real characteristic to judge them on was how soft/crunchy they were and they just had enough crunch to make them perfect.

Less perfect were the roast potatoes. They came in a pile on the shared serving tray, which was an odd way to do it. That certainly would not happen in Bridlington. They were half-way there to being good roasties. All the preparation had been done, they look like they had been chuffed up around the edges and had they been roasted another 10 to 15 minutes, they could have been excellent.

As they were they were too soft on the outside, and a tad under-cooked on the inside. They were not bad – I’ve had far worse. But very middling.

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My photography really is getting worse.  Either that or my phone.  It doesn’t help that WordPress distorts the photographs when they are larger than a thumbnail either.

Sadly I enjoyed the pork belly even less. The meat itself was quite dry, stringy and almost slightly coarse on taste, not that there was much taste. And the fat on top, which should have been the highlight of the whole meal, was just pointless. As I said earlier, it is easy to get pork belly wrong and I regret choosing it. Worse was to come but I’ll save that for later.

My friend that ordered the chicken really enjoyed his chicken so for the second week in a row, it seems that I chose the wrong roast. And further to that, my best friend who had the vegetarian option – the nut roast – gave her dinner a 9 out of 10. Apparently one of the best roasts she had ever had. In case you haven’t worked it out already, it isn’t going to get a 9 out of 10 from me.

Only the beef option came with a Yorkshire pudding, but I asked the waiter if I could have one anyway. Of course, I could. Although this apparently meant that I could have 4 for £1.50. Of course. Apart from this slight confusion, I do have to say that the service from both the bar tenders, and our waiter was very good throughout. Always friendly, talkative – politely waiting on occasion to ask how our food was, or if there anything else he could get us, did we need any more drinks, etc. Although when he asked what we thought of the food and I said “terrible”, he did reply with “perfect”. I was, at that point, being facetious.

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So back onto subject and the Yorkshire puddings. I managed two of them, although they did taste a little too much of the oil that they were cooked in, and were too crunchy on the outside. Not bad efforts.

The stick of crackling seemed to be there more for decorative effect, but it was more than welcome – it was quite gorgeous and salty – yet crunchy though not too much for my crystal meth teeth.

The waldorf stuffing ball was the smallest stuffing ball that I’ve ever seen, with only two bites it was difficult to ascertain a taste, though there was definitely nut (walnut I assume) and parsley. It was a little burnt on the edges but I appreciated something different.

Oh and don’t forget the….erm…green thing near it. Maybe it was watercress but seriously what was that doing on my roast dinner? It was as pointless as the side salad you get at Sweeney & Todd.

Last, and least was the gravy. Or red wine jus. Before I tell you about mine, let me tell you about the vegetarian gravy. It was an onion gravy, thick and lumpy. I’m not so keen on onion gravy but it was good. Us carnivores had red wine jus. You know my thoughts on jus, although consistency-wise it was closer to a gravy – taste-wise it was horrid. It had that burnt kind of taste – it reminded me of the jus at The Cunning Man I had many, many months ago. Yuck.

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And bad gravy can ruin the best roast dinner. Fair play to the waiter who did understand my advance request for extra gravy and brought 3 small gravy boats over. I didn’t use all 3 small extra boats.

It seems as though it may have been a bit horses for courses – both my friends were either happy or very happy with theirs. I didn’t enjoy mine and the £14.75 price tag didn’t help either.

I want to give it a low score, but there were some redeeming features so it gets a 5.4 out of 10.

The highlight was the green beans – the lowlight was definitely the awful red wine jus. And on the Yorkshire-Surrey scale it rates a Guildford.

For next weekend the random number generator has picked somewhere south of Reading. I doubt many of you will have heard of it, and I do not have high expectations. However it is quite a mission to get to, and if it snows or I have a large hangover, both are possible, then I might just go somewhere within walking distance or one or two train stops and make it easy on myself.

By the way, I wasn’t actually brought up on crystal meth.

Gammon @ The Fox & Hounds, Caversham 08/11/2015

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Getting a good roast dinner in or around the town centre of Reading is pretty difficult. Malmaison scored a 7.4 and Cau an 8.1. Most others have been distinctly average, or sometimes bad. And then there was the Wetherspoons in a category of its own.

Which is why I started this blog in the first place – the amount of times I have seen people ask the question “Where can I get a decent roast in Reading?” over the years just begged someone to answer the question.

I’d long over-looked the Fox & Hounds. I’d assumed that I had never been there, though when I walked into the doors, I realised that I had memories of some east Asian people selling me copied DVDs that they’d downloaded from Kazaa, whilst it snowed, in March/April. Anyone still use Kazaa?

Fast forward, ooooh, 12 or so years and I was back to eat a roast dinner.

I’ve wanted to go here for some time but I work on instruction, either by friends or the random number generator (which could perhaps be classed as my best friend) – but finally a friend wanted to go here so I walked over the shiny new bridge and set foot in the Fox & Hounds.

By the way, I like the rusty metal look.

The Fox & Hounds is a pub pub. It has a good selection of ales, is decorated with a vast array of beer mats and is split into two rooms – one was quite busy, the other with a pool table totally empty. The two ladies working behind the bar were friendly – and somewhat ebullient about the roast when I called earlier in the day to check they were doing roasts.

Two choices on offer – beef and gammon. And nut roast for vegetarians. And keenly priced at £10.00.

So I chose gammon as it was the first time that I had had the opportunity to do so since, oooh the Shoulder of Mutton controversy.

After around 15 minutes the home-made roast dinner turned up – packed with differing types of vegetables and a full plate.

The carrots were carrots. And they were orange. Did you know they used to be purple? I wonder if J.K. Tolkein could find 44 different ways to describe Harry Potter’s carrots?

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Moving on. I really enjoyed the curly kale, it hadn’t been cooked too much yet was still slightly on the soft side of average, as the carrots were. I’m not sure I’ve ever had it before, I thought they were spring greens until my friend corrected me. I guess the closest taste I can think of is spinach. I really did enjoy it – especially with the gravy which complimented the curly kale superbly.

The red cabbage didn’t quite have the same fruitiness to it as last week’s review had, though that was an exceptionally good roast. I’m not a fan of red cabbage and this was just kind of there. I was very indifferent to it.

At least there wasn’t too much of it – which cannot be said for the roast potatoes. I constantly complain about just getting 3 roast potatoes but 5 roast potatoes were too many as there were a bit of a chore to eat – they had been roasted at some point, but sadly had become rather rubbery and were quite dry inside.

I’ve had far worse but…yeah…

Controversially I’m now skipping back to the vegetables for the cauliflower and broccoli cheese which I’m pleased to say was good, the vegetables themselves were tender, creamy and tasted of…cheese! Yes a cauliflower cheese with cheese. How rare. And with broccoli too. Not quite up to the standard of The Crown in Playhatch (oooh remember what happened last time I compared somewhere to there….eeek) but it was pleasing for my tastebuds.

The Yorkshire pudding was quite crispy on the outside, but more in a shell kind of way. It wasn’t the best effort – perhaps it was cooked in vegetable oil. Something wasn’t quite right about it.

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I’m not sure gammon roasts are for me. It is good to mix it up, and this was cooked in cider so had a slight edge to it but it wasn’t as succulent as gammon can be, I feel that it was cooked too long, at least for my preferences.  And it was salty.  I know gammon is salty but this was very salty.

I did try the beef that my friend had and that was really good. Tender and nicely pink in the middle (on request)…it would easily have had another half a point on the end score had I not wanted to mix things up and go for gammon. Going for, going for…gammon. I’m pretty sure there used to be TV show with that name.

The gravy was tasty. An onion-influenced gravy, I thought I could taste a hint of red wine too. Enough in the way of consistency, though never as thick as 99.9% of northerners like it, and thicker than 99.9% of southerners like it (ie water).

So it was a bit of a mixed bunch.

Ooooh we had a stuffing ball too.  I cannot remember the last time I was served stuffing – it did add some extra contrast to the gammon, though the balls could have done turning during cooking – mine was dark well-cooked on top and not so on the bottom.

It’s the kind of place that if I lived in Caversham I could make my local. It has a far better feel than the vastly over-rated Griffin down the road, not to mention a better roast dinner. It feels like a pub that has been lifted out of mediocrity and is the kind of place that I passionately believe should be supported.

We had good service – the option was there for us to have beef and gammon.  And at £10.00 it is definitely one of the lower priced roasts so it was pretty good value for money.

I’m giving it a 6.6 out of 10. I’d love to give it a higher score but it is what it is. As I said earlier, it would have been higher if I had had the beef.

 

Favourite part – curly kale.  Worst part – roast potatoes.  On the Yorkshire-Surrey scale it rates a Grantham.  I assume you know what the Yorkshire-Surrey scale is?  Granted I may have just made this up.  I’ll leave it for you to work out until next week.  Or maybe I’ll just tell you at Christmas.  Call it your Christmas present from me.

Next week I’m not sure where I’m going. I know I am going for a roast with my best friend, but whether my best friend chooses where we go or my best friend chooses where we go, I do not know.

I guess I’ll have to toss a coin.

Beef @ The Bull, Sonning 01/11/2015

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This week I was really looking for somewhere that would go off with a bang, perhaps where I could roast my hands around a bonfire…I wanted a good roast dinner…if it wasn’t sparkling then there would be fireworks. Sigh.

Don’t worry. I’m not going to put you through a pun-laden themed review again. There I was last Monday thinking how brilliantly-written my Halloween roast dinner review was, but what did I get in return? Nothing. Not a “thank you that was hilarious”, no job-offers, no date-offers, not even a new follower.

So this week, I just went for a roast dinner. Chosen by random number generator. Paid for by my tax credits that the Lords kindly let me keep last week. Well, it was either spend it on a roast, or get a pedicure.

Oh damn, I said no theme.

The pub in question was The Bull in Sonning. Not the easiest to get to without a car – I ended up walking to and from the town centre which is around an hour or so each way – plus with the time to get to and from Bracknell and some shopping in the town centre, meant this was a 5 hour round mission. I need more friends with cars.

I was surprised when I arrived to find that it wasn’t actually the pub I thought it was – I thought it was The Great House with its river views. The Bull I found around a few corners, in a secluded spot next to a church.

Inside was charming, and dark. Low ceilings and black wooden beams gave it an authentic and aged feel, I can imagine that it might be a nice place to take a young lady on a first date. Assuming she liked walking or had a car. For it did have a romantic feel to it too.

The roast dinners on offer were beef, lamb and pork. I dearly wished I could have had a special as they just read beautifully, but you know, public service and all that. I asked the waitress for her recommendation, and she convinced me that beef was the way forward. In fact she was the epitome of good pub service, welcoming, friendly and knowledgeable about the menu. On the off-chance that management are reading, give her a gold star (short, thin young lady with light brown hair). Granted, I should have left a gold coin, it totally slipped my mind to tip. Doh.

It did take a while to arrive, perhaps just over 20 minutes, but this is absolutely no problem for me – if I wanted quick food I would have gone to Wetherspoons. I am always happy to sit there, wait and let them take their time over the dinner.

And when it arrived, I was pleasantly surprised to see just how much food there was. Especially with the size of the Yorkshire pudding.

I’ll start with the side-dish. Half of it was red cabbage, it is was elegantly fruity, soft but with a bite to it. It did seem to go on forever though, there was so much of it to eat for just one person.

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The second half was broccoli cheese. Except it was very white for broccoli and had the texture of cauliflower. I still cannot write broccoli without the spellchecker. Well, I did that time but only because it was already on screen. Anyway, the cauliflower again was soft, but had a bite to it – there was some kind of sporadic orange dusting, and a burnt spot, which suggested it was supposed to be cauliflower cheese but there was no cream evident, nor cheese flavour so I’m not entirely sure what happened. It was nice cauliflower though. Maybe the waitress should get a silver star seeing as her promised broccoli cheese was cauliflower.

There was a large pile of mashed swede. I’m still not overly convinced by swede. Is it actually from Sweden? Again like the red cabbage, there almost seemed too much of it which should be an oxymoron on a roast. I had a hint of another flavour, but my simple taste buds could not quite work out what.

Actually I just remembered that the swede was on the side-plate and red cabbage on the main plate.

So onto the part of the review that you care about even more than my introductory wibbling. Roast potatoes.

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They were not a patch on last week’s crispy delights, but they were freshly cooked. Sadly they had more of an oily rubbery edge to them, but they were soft in the centre, there were 4 decent sized roast potatoes and they were good enough. Considering the amount of places that serve duff spuds, I’d say these were a little better than acceptable.

Then onto the piece de resistance. The waitress had promised me that the beef was perfectly cooked. I had to question her further on this, as what is “perfectly cooked” beef? To me, it would be rare. To my mum it is fairly well-done. Her explanation was explanatory – lightly pink in the middle, but quite well done on the edge. She explained the reasoning behind it but I cannot remember.

It worked.

To elaborate, the beef was indeed very tender, so easy to cut, it was slightly pink as promised, possibly slightly more pink than slightly pink but it was difficult to see in the darkened room. It was pretty close to melting in my mouth.

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It was complimented well with the very large yorkie, which had crispy edges and a gravy-induced soft bottom. Close to yorkie perfection. I certainly cannot do better. Or even half as good.

And finally, the gravy was a fairly standard meat-stock based affair, not especially thick but enough consistency for a northerner not to throw a banger at the chef. Oh.

I guess you’ve worked out that it is going to get a good score. There is slight room for improvement, especially with the roast potatoes but this was easily one of the best roast dinners I’ve had on my travels. My main gripe is that there was too much red cabbage! Which seems very odd to say.

I’m going to give it an 8.1 out of 10. Which makes it the joint 5th best roast dinner around Reading. And gives me the opportunity to say that The Bull is nearly as good as The Bull.

I did have to book a table, and they were fully booked until 4pm (they serve until 9pm) – clearly others know how good this place is. It was on the expensive side at £16.50 but I guess it keeps the riff-raff out. But not yesterday, a ha ha ha.

By the way, I don’t actually get tax credits. But I am considering applying to be a Lord. Lord Gravy of Berkshire.

Next week I’m going somewhere which will really interest you. And I know they want me to review them. Let’s hope they know what they are letting themselves in for.

Pork @ The Ostrich Inn, Colnbrook 25/10/2015

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Boo!

I’m back to haunt you with my weekly roast dinner reviews. I’ve missed writing about them. I’m not sure I’ve missed eating them – the soulless ones anyway. Two of you have even missed reading them. Do feel free to share, retweet – invite your friends – it would be witchy wonderful.

Yes, I’ve risen back from the grave…y.

If that didn’t make you laugh then you must be a vampire.

You may be asking why I’m reviewing somewhere near Slough. Don’t scream – there is a point. I appreciate that it is actually closer to London than Reading, but this is not just hocus pocus. Have you worked out the theme yet?

You must be braindead if you haven’t because, yes it’s Halloween, that most ghastly of celebrations that I despise almost as much as Valentine’s Day (although that I do enjoy somewhat now I have a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Margaret Thatcher in my bedroom). I really don’t understand why people celebrate Halloween more than St George’s Day, for example, or VE Day…or my birthday.

I didn’t think that it would be difficult to find a pub that claimed to be haunted but I was alarmingly wrong. Apparently the nearest haunted pub is The Ostrich in Colnbrook. Near Heathrow. Near Slough. Now that is scary.

It’s actually the 3rd oldest inn in England. This was replicated by the quite magnificent wooden beams and ceilings – and then obliterated with this most tacky 1990’s bar that wouldn’t look out of place in any cheap town centre bar in Chelmsford.

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One assumes that the ghouls interfered with the construction plans.

Onto the roast and the menu had beef, chicken and pork – the chicken was not available, and not having a clue as to whether the roast would be deadly or delightful, I went for the safer choice of pork. The beef was priced at £13.50, the others at £12.50.

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15 minutes later and the ghoulish barmaid brought our impressive looking dinners for us to slavishly gnaw away at. Ghoulish as she was wearing white make-up with very dark blood-red lipstick. I’m not being evil.

There were actually 5 different types of vegetables. Starting with the least impressive – the scary orange slime which I assume was swede puree though perhaps it was pumpkin puree – having never eaten pumpkin I cannot be sure.

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Then we had a mixed vegetable medley – surprisingly it being my Halloween roast there were no sneaky evil peas. The baby carrots still had their skins on and were a delight, the two smallish pieces of broccoli were on the soft side but perfectly pleasant, and the green beans were again just a touch on the soft side – none of the squeakiness you can get from being lesser-cooked. Clearly everyone has their own preferences on how little or how much you cook vegetables – but for me this was perfect.

Then we had cauliflower cheese. The cauliflower was again soft and tender, the cream had infected the whole cauliflower and there was a crispy and cheesy texture that had melted to the top of the florets – yes they actually managed cauliflower cheese that tasted of cheese. A supernatural effort.

It was all going devilishly well, but would the roast potatoes have been made by the witch or the wizard? Startlingly, they were proper roast potatoes. 4 of them – all on the large side, all fluffy on the inside and impressively crispy on the outside.

The only slight let-down is that they had clearly been warmed up but there isn’t really much they can do about that given how long it takes to do roast potatoes properly and that the pub serves dinner from midday to 9pm. But I don’t want to be critical as these were some of the best roasties all year.

Sadly the Yorkshire pudding did let it down as it was somewhat gruesome. Actually it wasn’t that bad but it was kind of overblown and overcooked.

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For the meat, two reasonably thick slices of pork belly were supplied. Although for one of the slices, I could tell it was cooked some time ago as it was just slightly dry, but this trick did not detract from the quality and the tenderness of the meat – with the highlighted treat being the crispy shell and the small ring of succulent pork belly fat underneath.

Like a vampire’s desire for blood, I of course asked for extra gravy. Especially given that the menu promised proper gravy. It was one of the thickest gravies I have had the pleasure to experience for some time, a meat stock effort with a fairly strong, substantial taste to it. It did overpower a tad but again, a minor infraction.

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I really enjoyed not only the experience, but the roast too. Not only a return to reviewing, but a return to form too. Never be afraid to venture out of the cauldron.

I’m going to give it a spooky 7.8 out of 10.

Next week I’ll be nearer to Reading – I promise! It might even be another really good roast. Two in a row – that would be frightening.

And hopefully with less eye-rolling from you. Sorry.

Lamb @ Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Cookham

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It was about 6 weeks ago that I last pressed the random number generator button to choose my next roast dinner destination, and it chose the delightful-sounding Uncle Tom’s Cabin in Cookham, recommended to me by a local nightclub promoter.

I really do try to stick to my random number generator choices but there have been a variety of logistical developments over recent weeks.

None more so than this week, arriving back home from a nightclub in London at 11am, having been out for the best part of 24 hours without sleep. But I have a mission to achieve and my not-so-subtle plea for a driver last Monday was met by my favourite Blairite, sorry, Brownite?? Milibandite? Oh no he is a Corbynite nowadays, and we took a rather long rambling drive in circles around Cookham before deciding to use our satnav to direct us up a winding road to not much more than a cabin on a hill.

It appeared to be a family-run business, the building was little more than a quaint hill-top cabin befitting of the name – but one that clearly had some history to it. It probably seated no more than 50, split into two rooms around a centre bar and was on the cosy side, despite the bright white walls.

The furnishings were comfortable and upmarket, as were the clientele (upmarket that is – I didn’t sit on anyone to be able to test the other adjective). It is highly doubtful that any of them had ever voted for Tony Blair, let alone have any sympathy for Jeremy Corbyn.

I really fancied pork, but it wasn’t available…and I guess I should leave my new-found sexual fantasies out of this, so I was left with the choice of chicken, beef or lamb. And it had been a while since I had lamb so my friend noticing that I was incapable of most forms of communication ordered for me. You can find my videos on Youporn.

For my getReading readers, I was left with the choice of chicken, beef or lamb, all priced reasonably at £13.50 or £14.00, if my rather patchy memory serves me well as you won’t find any information on their rather useless website.

I’ll try again. For my getReading readers, I was left with the choice of chicken, beef or lamb, all priced reasonably at £13.50 or £14.00, if my rather patchy memory serves me well.

I am so never going to get my copywriting business off the ground. Innit bruv.

Thankfully it didn’t take long to arrive and it was very well-presented and unusually for a well-presented dish ticked the quantity box too. But did it tick the quality and taste boxes too?

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For the second week in a row my oblongified plate was endowed with roasted carrots. One carrot chopped in half with both ends defenestrated, it was rather on the sweet and buttery side and thoroughly enjoyable.

Arguably my favourite part of the dish were the parsnips. Again roasted, and also slightly roasted…less than I would have done and arguably much nicer that I have ever achieved, they did have a slightly nutty taste but also wondrously sweet too.

The roast potatoes, however, did not match the heights of the parsnips. Both roast potatoes (yes we didn’t even manage 3) were close to perfectly soft on the inside, however whereas the last couple of weeks I had been blessed with those cooked in duck and goose fat – this time it seemed to my admittedly defunctional tastebuds to possibly have been cooked in vegetable oil or similar, and had a rather greasy skin to them. I know the correct English is dysfunctional but I was clearly defunctional.

That said, they were very large, and one side one of one of the potatoes was slightly crispy, and though they did disappoint – they were far from bad roast potatoes.

No Yorkshire pudding for the lamb (apparently they only go with beef…try doing that up north). Instead I was blessed with…cabbage. It was pointless and really added nothing to the dish but there wasn’t anything else wrong with it apart from the needless nature of it. My compatriot did have a Yorkshire pudding with his beef roast and was very disappointed with it, stating that it was both soft and spongebob-like. He might have said sponge-like.

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There was absolutely no shortage of meat offered, with 5-6 admittedly fairly thin slices of lamb, all appealingly folded to give them impression that there was more than there was, but it really was a healthy portion size. It wasn’t the best lamb I have ever had, it was medium with a marginal hint of medium-rare, and could have had a bit more texture to it but I am being a bit picky (shock horror) and it was good.

I even enjoyed the jus. A predictably thin and somewhat oily liquid, it was decorated with rosemary, possibly chives, definitely mint – maybe, just maybe some garlic too. Perhaps I should have photographed the menu. I appreciated the thought and effort, even if it goes without saying that I would have much preferred it in gravy format.

And then I was free to go to bed.

A lot more thought had clearly gone into this than the majority of roast dinners I have reviewed. But the curse of expectations stuck – I thought that it could have been really good and it was just good. Maybe just a little better than good.

The service throughout was very good – despite the small restaurant size there was no rush for us to leave. The price was fine, the food was good. I’d really like to visit again – albeit probably not for a roast. There are probably only 7 places out of the 41 that I have reviewed that I would ever go back to for a roast dinner.

I’m going to give it a 7.3 out of 10. My accomplices feel that I am being marginally too generous – but we never, ever agree on anything. Especially politics. Or food for that matter.

Next weekend I am going clubbing in London again. HELLO FRIENDS WITH CARS I LOVE YOU HINT HINT.

The random number generator has picked somewhere that Edible Reading highly rated…somewhere I have walked past a few times and always been really tempted to go in. But if I’m dining alone then I’ll just be going to some hole in Bracknell…assuming I make it out of my previous evening’s hole.

Is it bed time now?

Chicken & Lamb @ The White Horse, Wokingham 20/09/2015

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Sunday gone I was halfway through a 3-day hangover, at least I hope that is what it is as I am still suffering today, though maybe I should admit that I am coming down with the dreaded devil flu/cold/sniffles.

Anyway, I had a headache and absolutely no concentration span. There were no trains out of Bracknell, I didn’t fancy a rail replacement bus – or any kind of bus for that matter so I decided to get Google Maps out of my online glove compartment (I do actually have a scarf compartment), and had a scan for pubs within a walkable distance.

Walkable distance for me is normally up to 2 hours, maybe 3 hours on a good day (as long as there is public transport on the way back) – but this was not a good day, my brain and body were both in limited form (and still are) but I was pleasantly surprised to realise that I could walk to not far from Wokingham in just 45 minutes.

In fact, just 10-15 minutes walk from my house in the not entirely glamorous Great Holland’s estate in Bracknell is some gorgeous countryside. There was a very nice sounding pub called the Crooked Billet within walking distance, but I called 5 times to eventually find out they didn’t have any spare tables until 8pm (one assumed this means that it is rather good…definitely going on my to-do list), so then I picked the aptly named White Horse.

I couldn’t be bothered to book, I wanted to get out of the house into some fresh air to hopefully enliven myself. And of course have some beer, and some gravy. Actually I had wanted a cider but forgot about that idea until sat down with a not exactly divine pint of San Miguel. Lo siento. They only served Strongbow anyway.

Anyway, I’m rambling as usual which is maybe why Get Reading didn’t publish my last review (or maybe they’ve simply had enough of me…I get fed up of my drivel too sometimes) so I shall ramble on a bit more to try to put off my few remaining readers. I think Edible Reading is probably my only regular reader now. Some of my friends say they love my reviews but I’m sure they are being kind in a no your bum doesn’t look big in that dress kind of way.

By the way, I’ve recently discovered who Kim Kardashian is. Yeah I’m not massively up to date on popular culture. Do guys actually find her attractive? A good friend of mine said she wanted a body like hers. Yeah and all I wanted for Christmas is a big vat of jus. Gosh that sounds dodgy. Each to their own I guess. Does she eat roast dinners? I doubt it.

Anyway, I keep using the same words to start half of my paragraphs, and keeping in the style of repetition, I put on some minimal techno, with minimal volume – enough to drown out outer sounds but low enough for my delicate head to cope with and set off on a very pleasant walk through the countryside and arrived at a charming and homely pub – The White Horse.

You can criticise Bracknell, and I do, but I don’t recall anywhere within 45 minutes of my home in Reading that had such a unique and rustic kind of charm. I don’t mean rustic in an Oakford Social Club kind of way. And a warm welcome too, albeit the person serving me was clearly very new, and not quite to grips with things yet.

The pub seemed to be mainly serving the retired (probably much fitter and healthier than I was yesterday), and offered beef, lamb or chicken as the main home-cooked meals. Each roast was either £10.50 or £11.00, which is pleasingly less painful on the wallet than last week’s adventure. A menu is here for the curious. And possibly for the bi-curious too.

Amongst my many personality defects yesterday (on top of the daily ones), was indicivity (apparently not an actual word), as I could not choose between lamb or chicken. So they offered both for £12.00 and I gratefully accepted.

I was advised to expect a 20 minute wait, which I was more than fine with, and sat in the wasp-less and fly-free garden for enough time to check my one solitary Facebook notification before dinner arrived. Much sooner than I had been advised to expect.

All good so far but how did it taste? It was presented pleasingly enough – concentrically around the centre Yorkshire pudding, albeit it didn’t look to deserve the centre-billing. And of course, nowhere near enough gravy…or jus…so I had to ask for more.

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The dinner came with a whole 5 different types of vegetables – probably a record.

Starting with the greens – the broccoli was particularly fresh and juicy, the mange tout slightly crunchy and had that slight kick that a non-overcooked tout de mange has. The green beans were cooked precisely too – easy to eat and fresh to taste. All steamed.

Then there was some odd-looking and slightly odd-tasting swede puree. I am not massively keen on my food being pureed. I may one day end up at the point where it is necessary but that isn’t now. Edible but not pleasing. I assume it was swede.

On the other hand, the small handful of carrots had been roasted. Why don’t more places do this? Really excellent carrots, almost with a pepper-like texture and close to a divine taste. As far as carrots go. Excellent.

The usual Berkshire 3 roast potatoes were provided – all large, and cooked in tasty duck fat too. Not only that, they were roasted with thyme, and perhaps a very slight hint of rosemary too. Why don’t more places do this? Herbs are not hard. Sadly somewhat let down by the total lack of crispy edges – were it not then they would have been in danger of being as good as my roast potatoes.

I cannot really judge the lamb easily as there was just one thin slice. I had asked for rare, it was perhaps just medium-rare. I didn’t receive enough to make a judgement upon.

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I did however receive plentiful chicken – chicken breast with the skin on! And a proper sized chicken too, none of this Nando’s nano-chicken. Plump and succulent, cooked through with 4 or 5 thick slices – you could call them sliced chunks.

The roast dinner did come some way from perfection. Firstly the Yorkshire pudding was small, burnt and crispy. I’m on a run of bad luck when it comes to Yorkshire puddings at the moment and this continues.

And the jus. When the extra jus arrived I was charged £2.00. Stop riding the white horse. So you are charging me £2.00 for failing to put enough jus on in the first place. Only a dribble was originally supplied. And then I managed to dribble some down my leg – ouch. It was hot.

You know my thoughts on jus by now – it was very thin, watery with bits inside. It wasn’t bad but did become tiring. And £2.00. Seriously?

It left a bad taste, in more ways than one.

As this could have scored in the 8’s. That said, it does still make it into my top 10 roast dinners (admittedly this is not difficult such if the repetition of average elsewhere).

It had a lot going for it, value for money (or southern value for money…forgetting the jus incident), a really nice setting and gorgeous little sun-trap of a garden. Great carrots – nearly great roast potatoes, really good chicken, a warm welcome. With a few let-downs – the Yorkshire pudding, the jus, the yucky San Miguel.

I’m going to give it a very respectable 7.7 out of 10. It is certainly recommended. Although it is the first time I have eaten somewhere with a food hygiene rating of just 2 out of 5. I cannot say I care.

I then made a very slow and painful walk back, although I did find a really secret romantic spot in which I will endeavour to take my future Kim Kardashian too. As long as she makes a good gravy. By that I mean thick gravy.

Next weekend I’m going clubbing in London on the Saturday so the chance of me going for a roast dinner on Sunday is slim, unless one of my friends drives me somewhere and can cope with conversation as minimal as my music taste. But I’ll try as the weekend after there is even less chance of a review, and the weekend after zero chance.

I actually feel better for writing that.

Quality of food: 8/10

Service: 7/10

Atmosphere/surroundings: 9/10

Value for money: 7/10

Food hygiene rating: 2/5 – rated 11th September 2014

Dinner brag factor* : 4/5

Total: 37/50

Beef Rib-Eye @ Bel And The Dragon, Reading, 13/09/2015

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Yet again fate conspired against my random number generator selection so I left it up to my dining companions to decide and they plumped for the Bel & The Dragon.

I’ve eaten there a few times in the past – including having some truly excellent pork belly some years ago. It’s not the cheapest venue, and occasionally the food is too rich for my sausage-roll-loving northern palette, but generally I’ve always enjoyed my experiences there.

Actually there was one rather painful experience, many years ago, in my heavy partying days (also known as my 20’s), when I’d been out all night, plus an after-party and then the next evening a large group of us had our Christmas meal at Bel & The Dragon. I was in quite a pickle, I have memories only of rolling a sprout around a plate, not really being able to eat any of my £35 three course dinner, and having a dear older lady ask me what I found so endearing about house music – my dribbling discombobulated self about as able at talking clearly as I was at eating.

I am a tad more sensible nowadays, though whether paying £19.00 for a roast dinner suits that verb, I am not sure. I had some hope that the high price would be worth it when I read the small writing on the menu that the roast potatoes, meat and vegetables are cooked on an hourly basis. Ahhh bliss!

There was only one choice of roast – rib-eye of beef. Though we did have a choice of how it was cooked, and I wisely chose rare. The rest of the Sunday menu is here, if you fancy a glance. I really wished I could have chosen the suckling pig.

After 10 to 15 minutes, the meal arrived and I was again dribbling in this establishment – but for good reasons – just look at that beef.

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The waiter (possibly kitchen hand) wished us a good meal. But something was missing – the roast potatoes and vegetables. So we enquired to him and his response was a Gallic shrug and the magical words “I don’t know”.

Shortly after, a pan of potatoes and vegetables arrived. We then asked him for the horseradish sauce (as advertised on the menu), to which we received another Gallic shrug. It arrived, I thought about asking for extra gravy but decided against confusing matters any further – I just wanted to get on with my meal.

Except I couldn’t.

Regular readers will know what is coming here. Peas.

Yes the medley of vegetables included peas, so I had to individually one by one pick my vegetables out, checking each for any possible intruders, as opposed to spooning a pile on my plate. Not that they had thought to provide a spoon.

Vegetables first and they were all on the crunchy side. So much so that the carrots seemed totally uncooked.

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There was a fair selection, with a little broccoli, some cauliflower, and some sweet sugarsnap peas. All on the crunchy side (yeah I’m repeating myself here) and all rather uninspiring. The pick of the bunch was the cauliflower.

Onto the roast potatoes, cooked in duck fat, and these were 7 of the tastiest roast potatoes I have had for some time. Albeit I had to share the 7 roast potatoes with my dining companion. I had 4.

Duck fat really does make a delightful difference. However, only one of the 7 roast potatoes was actually properly crispy on the outside – one was slightly crispy, the others were totally lacking a crispy texture. But all were properly cooked, and reasonably fluffy on the inside. Good but could have been so much better.

The Yorkshire pudding on the other hand, was a total flop. Overcooked, dry and rather fluffy on the inside. It came far short of expectations.

Le rosbif. I watched a French film on Saturday night. Le Homme Du Train. Or maybe L’Homme Du Train. I’m about as good at languages as most pubs are at roast potatoes. I scrape by but make many mistakes. It was a really intriguing and charming film. But you don’t care. You want to know about the beef.

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Given how much we paid, thankfully the roast beef was really excellent. I had asked for rare and received rare. It was exceptionally tender, with just the right amount of seasoning on the outer edges to contrast with the rarity of the inner beef. Intriguing and charming too.

Rib-eye when done well is a fine cut of beef, especially with the little bits of fat around the edge, and this was truly enjoyable. Although a steak knife would have made my life a little easier.

It seemed an after-thought but the jus was actually enjoyable. It had the consistency of a good gravy, but without any overpowering taste – it was complimentary. If a northerner doesn’t complain about having jus instead of gravy then something has gone well.

It’s a tricky one to rate this. Such excellent beef, yet a mixture of decency and disappointment otherwise and for £19.00 – one expects all elements to at least be good. I do keep mentioning the price.

And the service was generally poor. The welcome was excellent, and the lady who took our order was professional and pleasant. However it went downhill with the confused kitchen hand that brought our meal out and a total lack of attention afterwards. We eventually managed to catch someone’s eye to ask for the bill. A while later, someone asked if we wanted a dessert. Plus a lack of appropriate cutlery at times. I would understand at a pub, but not when one is paying £19.00. Expectations not fulfilled.

They didn’t even come over the take our payment – again we were waiting for some time. At least we got some branded M&M’s.

Oh I mentioned the price again. Bloody Yorkshire folk.

I popped into the Lyndhurst on the way home and was discussing the Bel & The Dragon with a couple of people in there, and they advised me that the venue isn’t quite what it was from what they heard. I’d be interested in any thoughts of yours if you have been.

I’m going to give it a 6.9 out of 10. I do wonder if I am being too generous – were it not for the beef then it would have been struggling around the 5 mark. But that the brilliance of the beef is the stand-out thought despite all else, shows they are doing something very right. Just not enough things very right.

Next week, I will go to my random number generator selection made weeks ago. I will go there. Although I have just noticed that there are no trains out of Bracknell next Sunday. Hmmmm. Why did I move to Bracknell?

Double Chicken @ The Cricketers (Beefeater!), Bagshot 06/09/2015

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I can hear what you are saying. A Beefeater? Didn’t he learn anything from the rather Kafkaesque experience the last time he went to a chain pub?

But this time there was an even more important reason than simply the public service I offer to all of my dear readers as your dear leader (of roast dinners), and that was to take a good friend out for lunch.

Again, I hear you ask, why the hell would I take a good friend out for lunch at a Beefeater? Aforementioned good friend had a motorcycle accident some time ago and is in a rehabilitation centre – one’s lack of wheelchair pushing experience limited us to the nearest pub, which was a Beefeater. Sometimes one must be thankful whatever opportunity is available.

I approached the journey with some trepidation – my friend’s health in my inexperienced and hungover hands – it started with an almost 45’ slope on the driveway towards the busy main road – that could so easily have ended very, very badly! I was relieved to have resisted gravity sufficiently and then it was fairly simple to navigate from then on – though I noticed for the first time in my life just how uneven pavements are.

The choices were vegetable wellington (oddly tempting), double roast chicken, rump of lamb and slow-cooked beef. I really didn’t trust the chain to do a nice piece of beef, despite being allegedly slow-cooked (does that mean grilled rather than microwaved?) so plumped for the double roast chicken at £9.99. Oddly, had I gone to the Bracknell beefeater then it would have been £8.99. In Scunthorpe it is just £7.99.

They did miss an opportunity to upsell, as I have just discovered that I could have purchased extra Yorkies, gravy and cauliflower cheese.

We sat down outside in the sunshine, having re-arranged the garden furniture and supped our well-deserved beers.

Now I didn’t have high hopes for a culinary delight and upon arrival my consideration remained on the phlegmatic side. But it didn’t look anywhere near as bad as the Back of Abominations.

Firstly there was a rather tastleless carrot and swede puree. At least I assumed it was Swede. Having no taste I was judging on colour. This was beyond hope and comprehension. Maybe it was my hangover which I still have today, but it was just mulched baby food, and unattractive too.

The green beans had rather more bite to them, albeit on the squeaky side and tasted of water.

It should have come with peas but my regular readers will know my thoughts on peas so instead I had a separate plate of flat mushrooms delivered to me. An odd choice and an opportunity I declined. Mushrooms? Mushrooms??

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There were 5 roast potatoes. At least I think there were as they were not hugely memorable. Possibly roasted at some point but probably factory-prepared and microwaved. They were edible and one even had a hint of a crispy edge. But mostly they had a soggy, rubbery skin with a soft inside. I’ve had worse. Mushrooms???

Despite having ordered double chicken, I was pleasantly surprised to receive two chicken breasts, twice as much as most placed would both with. The chicken breasts were somewhat flattened, and again on the tasteless side though they did have a hint of being chargrilled, albeit on a grill that tasted like it needed cleaning. It was tentatively ok.

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The gravy arrived in an only slightly larger receptacle than a thimble, and immediately evaporated upon pouring. This surprised me as we were not in the Baghdad Beefeater. I did get chance to glance at it before it danced and disappeared hence-forth, and it was exceptionally thin and watery/oil based. As was the trend throughout, it had little to no taste.

I should have asked for more gravy, but I was too busy feeding both myself and my friend, who unfortunately is not currently able to hold onto knives/forks/food. A bit like me the night before. Or cigarettes. As a non-smoker it was certainly weird to light and hold someone’s cigarette. I even accidentally inhaled. There goes my chance of being president.

Finally, whilst I remember, the Yorkshire pudding wasn’t a bad effort. I assume it was a pre-packed effort but it had marginally more charm than an Aunt Bessie’s with a soft bottom and crispy edges. A reasonable effort.

The whole meal was edible but forgettable. You may have noticed though that I wasn’t in the mood to complain and still am not. In the grand scheme of life possibilities, it really wasn’t too bad. 4.0 out of 10.

Next weekend I might go on my adventure to Cookham that the random number generator selected some weeks ago. Or I might take a family of refugees for a roast dinner. Or I might just eat a plate of mushrooms with gravy.

Remember folks, always take your roast dinner opportunities.

Pork @ The Green Man, Bracknell 23/08/2015

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To celebrate moving to Bracknell, I decided to go to court for the first time in my life on Friday.  Can you believe it – a Northerner that has never been to court? It also seemed appropriate that I should have my first ever roast dinner in Bracknell on the Sunday, at my local pub.

Well, I say it is my local, however more accurately it is the pub closest to my house, that I know about, that looks safe to go in. The pub nearest my house is The William Twigg. It looks like the kind of place that up north would have its tables and chair bolted to the ground. Not to avoid theft, but so you don’t smash them over each other. Even the locals have told me not to go in there, albeit they are middle class. Middle class for Bracknell, anyway.

So says the common boy from up north.

The Green Man has been newly renovated throughout although the amount of tiling did remind me of a public toilet. I went clubbing once in a public toilet in Shoreditch. It was after the royal wedding, and it just seemed appropriate to go dance to some techno in a disused public toilet. It was actually a toilet converted into a nightclub. Bizarre place. Seems to have closed down now – not entirely sure if it was a voluntary closure.

Anyway, so the pub was newly decorated, with a very inexpensive menu – roast dinners were either £8.29 or £8.49. The choices were beef, pork, or chicken. I ordered the chicken, and they didn’t have any. So I have pork.  You can download the menu here (opens as pdf).

We sat down, football in background. Yes – we. My regular readers will have noted that I was getting a little fed up of reviewing roast dinners, so I am endeavouring to make sure that there is at least one companion each time from now on.

After 15 minutes the food arrived, and it appeared as an endearingly home-made effort. Albeit with quite a noticeable disaster on the plate. I assume you can spot it. I will start with the vegetables.

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Carrots. Fine. Broccoli. Fine. Both very standard, assumedly steamed. Yes I have totally run out of ways to describe them.

The cabbage seemed over-cooked. I cannot say that I am a cabbage aficionado, but it appeared to have lost quite a bit of its colour, and was very soft – to me, it really should have some crunch in it.

We each received a shocking 5 roast potatoes. Of varying sizes though I’m really not sure what they did to them as I had never had such soggy roast potatoes. They had clearly been roasted at some point earlier in the day then I guess they must have been put in a pan of water for they were inexplicably soft and soggy. They tasted normal though.

Oddly there was mashed potato too. Again just very standard with no imagination, but fluffy and fine.

Then came the real abomination – the Yorkshire pudding. Or Yorkshire pancake. A total disaster. Flat and spongey, albeit edible. Something went horrendously wrong here and surely this is the point that you reach for the emergency Aunt Bessie’s and stick them in the oven for 4 minutes? No…they still served it. I haven’t quite seen anything like it.  I’ve messed up Yorkshire puddings in the past, there are many ways to get it wrong, but never as wrong as that.

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On the bright side, the pork was a few slices of tasty loin, with a little fat on the edges. Possibly 3 or 4 slices and unlike my review last week, was on the generous side, especially considering the low price.

The icing on the cherry, was the stuffing for the pork. A stuffing ball was included (and with my friend’s beef dinner – unusual but appreciated). It doesn’t quite have the status of caviar, but it is a rare treat and fully deserved.

Then the gravy. An attempt at a meat stock gravy, with a reasonably thick consistency but overwhelmingly salty. It being so salty made the whole dinner on the salty side. Too much so.

I am struggling to judge this one as clearly quite a few things went wrong. But there was charm and endeavour – and a low price too at just £8.29. I want to rate it higher and I feel that I may have either got unlucky, or that once the pub is in the swing of things.  And look at that plate – that is probably the best piece of crockery so far entrusted to me.

I am probably stretching my generosity at a 6.2 out of 10. I should also add that the service was pretty good too, for a pub.

I suspect if I go back in a couple of months, it will be much improved.  Don’t let this review put you off going.

No review next week as I am up north, eating proper roast dinners. The week after I will not be eating a proper roast dinner as, subject to my friend’s health, I shall be visiting the chain pub that I threatened to a while back.  If not then Cookham is on the cards.

By the way, I wasn’t the defendant.

Case dismissed.