Strike Demands

Right.

As advised by my honourable trade union leader, I should set out my demands to return to work following this necessary post-Brexit strike.

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Obviously the unacceptable and dangerous working conditions are the main criteria, though I shall also touch on fair recompense.

These are my requirements to end the strike:

  1. A crate of chicken Goldenfry gravy for when I am too hungover to make some decent gravy.
  2. 1,000 Facebook followers and 5,000 Twitter followers.
  3. A public apology and a free roast dinner from the landlady of The Shoulder of Mutton for all of her hurtful words last year.
  4. A swimming pool built in my garden.  Filled with gravy.
  5. A minimum of two naked attractive young ladies (ideally from Yorkshire, Spain or Iran), covered in gravy, to caress my nipples with said gravy.
  6. A crown from The Crown.
  7. Roast dinner for two at Buckingham Palace, with the Queen and at least 3 members of the royal family.
  8. A statue for David Cameron at Westminster.
  9. A film/TV contract for Roast Dinners Around The World.
  10. Some kind of honours, ie a knighthood.

These minimal demands are fair recompense for the public work that I carry out on a weekly basis and the danger that I face.

Only on receipt of all 10 of these demands will I resume reviewing roast dinners.

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Long live lesbians.

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